How to Stop Worrying

Are you a worrier? Some worry is normal and healthy. But it becomes a problem when the worrying thoughts spiral out of control and seem to take over your life. When caught up in this kind of obsessive worrying, you first need to make yourself consciously aware that you are in that state and recognise that it is not helping you! Then try some of the following suggestions to stop worrying: 

1.   Thought stopping:When you become aware of the negative stream of worrying thoughts, tell yourself: “Stop it!” You might want to place a rubber band on your wrist and flick it every time you realise you are obsessing. The slight pain will be a reminder to stop. Then immediately change your activity. Walk out of the house, go to the shop and buy the newspaper or a favorite magazine, take a bath or shower, cook dinner. 

2.   Postponing worrying:This is a great technique that many clients have used and swear by. When you find yourself worrying and your thoughts get going, try postponing the thoughts until later. For example, tell yourself "I won’t think about this now. I'll think about it at 3pm.” When 3 pm arrives, you may find it doesn’t hold the same power and you don’t want to bother thinking about it. If you are still worrying, by all means think about it. Sit down and write all of your worrying thoughts and feelings out on a piece of paper. Set a timer and allow yourself 15 minutes on day 1, 13 minutes on day 2, 10 minutes on day 3 and so on until you wean yourself off the obsessive thoughts.  

3.   Relaxation:Worrying can create physical symptoms like heart palpitations, hyperventilation and muscle tension. Learning to relax can be helpful. Do Progressive Muscle Relaxation and/or  one of the Deep Breathing Exercises. Listen to the free relaxation audio I have recorded here: Barb's Visualisations. Combine this with burning some lavender oil in an oil burner. Also, place a few drops of oil on the palms of your hands, rub them together, hold your cupped hands 5-10cms away from your face and breathe it in.  

4.    Physical exercise: Clean the house, go to the gym for a workout, get out in the garden and pull weeds vigorously, walk, run, cycle, play tennis, etc. 

5.    Emotional release: Play some loud expressive music that you can dance to. Allow the music to get you in touch with your feelings and emotions. Cry if you want to. Do some anger work if you know that you have some underlying anger that you have not expressed. Pound a pillow with your fists or hit the bed with a rolled up newspaper. As you do this exercise, yell or growl to express how you feel (“I’m so angry!” “This isn’t fair!” “I hate life!”) 

6.    Mind Escape: Do something that will occupy your mind. Watch tv, play computer games, listen to an uplifting talk on CD (such as Louise Hay), read a positive book, do a crossword, go on the internet. 

7.    Diversional Activities: Do something that requires “hands on” work such as a jigsaw puzzle, beading or other crafts, painting or other artwork, gardening, household tasks like painting a room or fixing something. Make a list of diversions that suit you and keep it handy so when you start obsessing, you can choose something from the list. 

8.   Positive Affirmations: Create your own positive affirmations and repeat over and over to yourself: “I am whole, relaxed and free of worry.” “These thoughts are passing through my mind and I am at peace.” Write these affirmations on cards and place them around the house to remind you to say them. Develop a mantra that you relate to and introduce it into your daily life. Some mantras like “C’est la vie,” “All is well,” or “What does it matter,” can be helpful in countering the negative stream of thoughts bombarding you. 

9.    Problem solving: A great deal of worry is about things we have no control over. However, if you are worrying about something that needs a solution, try a problem solving approach. First, brainstorm some solutions. Decide on one and try it. If it doesn’t help or work, try another one.  

10. Changing Thoughts: 90% of what we worry about never comes to pass. What a waste of time and energy worrying can be! Trust the process of life and don’t attach yourself to fears and “what ifs.” Next time you are caught up in “what if” thinking, try changing it into “so what” thinking. For example, “what if everyone thinks I’m weird because I blush all the time,” becomes “so what if others think I’m weird.” What if thinking tends to overestimate the odds of something negative happening. So, another way to change your thinking is to ask yourself, “What are the odds of this happening?”   

When we worry, it is because we do not think we have the ability to cope if the worse does happen. Start believing that you can handle whatever life gives you. Next time you find yourself saying, “I’m so worried that this might happen,” change it to “If this does happen, I will handle it. I am not a victim of circumstances.” Identify some specific ways that you could cope if the inevitable did happen.