Gratitude – An Elixir for Unhappiness

So, you want to know how to soothe the pain of your unhappiness? Well, one guaranteed elixir is gratitude. How often do we focus on the problems in our life or the problems of our loved ones? We can become so caught up in issues of yesterday, today and tomorrow, that we forget all we have to be grateful for. As we focus on problems, we invite more negativity into our lives, creating more problems. Focusing on gratitude allows room for positive, uplifting energy to come our way. I heard somewhere that the greatest prayer ever said is “Thankyou.” How often do we express gratitude to the universe or God or our Higher Power for our life, our breath, our very existence?

Having gratitude sends a message out to the universe that says, “I’m happy with what I have received in this life….please send me more.” For those of you who have children, how do you respond when they are grateful for something you have given to them? It fills your heart with warmth and love, right? And doesn’t it make you want to give them more? Of course. What you sow is what you reap. What you send out, comes back to you. Send out negativity and receive more negativity in your life. Sow positive energy in your life and reap more positive in your life. It’s a simple truth. It’s called the boomerang effect.

You might be saying, “Ah, yes, but what if you have problems in your life? It’s pretty hard to feel grateful when things are constantly bombarding you.” I recall hearing a speaker say once, “I don’t have any problems. I have opportunities for growth.” It’s how we look at the obstacles and difficulties in our lives that will determine our mental state. If we see our problems as opportunities for growth, we flow with the process of life. If we see problems as terrible incidents that happen to us, we battle with life. Life seems hard all the time. Painful. Something we have to endure. And we take on the victim mentality, the “woe is me” syndrome. I have heard it many times from clients who are looking for my sympathy and understanding, but don’t want to change their perspective. Feeling victimised can feel quite good. Sometimes it’s all we know. But does it lead to peace and happiness? No way.

Gratitude is a simple shift in consciousness. Rather than focusing on what is missing, we focus on what we have. We ask ourselves: “ What is good in my life right now? What do I have to be grateful for?” It could be a loving partner or healthy kids. It could be something more basic like living in a free country or being able to drink fresh water from the taps. It could be the many supportive friends or family we have.

Being grateful for what we have is the antithesis to being miserable for what we don’t have. Here’s a little experiment: Think for a moment about some of the material things you want but don’t currently have like a new car or a house, some new clothes or shoes or the latest computer or tv. Notice how you feel. Perhaps there’s a bit of anger, or pain or jealousy (especially if your neighbour or friend has what you don’t have). Next, shift your attention to some of the things you do have: a working car, a roof over your head, little or no debt, feet and legs that work. Notice how you feel now. A bit more content, right? More peaceful perhaps? Less agitated?

Sometimes we get confused between wants and needs. Do you ever hear yourself saying “I just have to have that……!” Fill in the blank with any number of things that you believe you cannot live without. Real needs are those things that help us survive, things we really cannot live without. Wants are all the other things we would like to have, even though our survival doesn’t depend on them. If all of our needs are met, we certainly have something to be grateful for. Our kids aren’t starving. We aren’t living on the streets. We have clothes and shoes to keep us warm and modest. So start by being grateful for these things. Then focus on all of the non-material blessings you have in your life that you can be grateful for: relationships that nurture you, a mind that allows you to read and think, music to listen to, a garden to potter in, safety and security in your life. The ideas are endless.

Last year my husband and I spent 5 months living and working in a remote town in China. The culture shock that awaited us in the poverty-ridden streets of Jingdezhen was nothing compared with the counter culture shock that hit us on our return to Australia. I suddenly felt so grateful that I lived in this wonderful country. All the things I previously took for granted, suddenly became magnified in their value to me. I felt so grateful for the simple things: clean streets, grocery stores where we could access huge varieties of food, brushing my teeth with water direct from the tap, the sight of a starry night sky, the great stretches of white sandy beaches. I savored every get-together with friends. Being able to order a latte or lunch without fumbling with my translation book became a welcome relief. Sharing a coffee at a beachside café with my son felt almost holy. The sight of kookaburras and lorikeets created a leap from my soul. Visiting the local library and seeing all of those books (all in English!) was exciting. It is so true that we never really appreciate what we have until it’s gone. My travels in China were wonderful, but the greatest gift I received was a newfound appreciation and love for all of the people and places and things that I have in my life at home.

Many years ago I started to write down the things I was grateful for in a little notebook. Each night as I lay in bed, I wrote about all the things I was grateful for on that particular day. Before long I had written many pages! The exercise in itself was a blessing. As I wrote in my Gratitude Diary (as I later called it) I noticed how great I felt. My life took on new energy. Positive energy. Exciting energy. As a result, I started to recommend this little exercise to my clients and I share it with you, my readers now.

Starting a Gratitude Diary: Buy a small book to use exclusively for this. It can be as basic as a school exercise book or as elaborate as you desire. Over the next 30 days, take out your book sometime during the day and write at least one thing you feel grateful for on that day. If you run out of things, focus on one person everyday who is part of your life and write something about them that you are grateful for. Before you know it, you will have filled 30 pages. Then over the next 30, take out your diary and read what you have written (yes, all of it!) In 2 months you will have a changed perspective on your life! Guaranteed!