Give up the Blame Game   

“Take your life in your own hands and what happens? A terrible thing – no one is to blame.”  Erica Jong 

We live in an age where no one seems to want to take responsibility for his or her life. When something goes wrong, we are quick to blame someone else. Blame is a fertilizer for low self-esteem. It keeps us stuck in the grimy waters of negativity. So, give up the blame game. Accept that no one else is to blame for your problems or situation. Yes, that’s right. Let go of blaming someone else. I know some of you might be thinking, “Yes, but, my ex-husband sent me bankrupt and now I’m living in poverty! He’s to blame for that isn’t he?” Or, “ My mother constantly puts me down and when she leaves I feel depressed. I’ve had this all my life. Isn’t she to blame for my depression?” I wish I could say this more gently, but in actual fact: no. Your life is your responsibility. If you are miserable, you need to do something about it. Take action. Take control. Don’t allow anyone else to run your life. Don’t let things from the past control how you live today. And especially don’t give the power over to others for your feelings. 

As soon as we say “S/he made me feel…” we are on dangerous ground. As soon as we point our finger at others, we become disempowered. In psychological terms, this is called projection. We will project onto others what we don’t like about ourselves. Our world is simply mirroring what is going on inside of us. Hard to accept? Next time you are angry with your partner, child, parent, or friend, listen to the words you are using in your head or out loud. It might sound something like this: “She is so selfish, pig-headed and stubborn. He never listens. He is irresponsible.” Then ask yourself honestly, “Is there a part of me that can also be like that? Can I be a little stubborn at times too? Am I occasionally selfish?”

We all have a shadow side, that part of us so deeply hidden away that we deny its existence. People come into our lives in order to shine a light on our hidden parts, so that we can see ourselves fully for who we are. It’s not about self-hatred or self-flagellation either. Quite the opposite. We are learning self-compassion and compassion for others. As we see our shadow side and learn to love ourselves in spite of these annoying traits, guess what happens? We start to love others in spite of their foibles. This is true compassion. And something else happens. We realize we can’t blame others for things that they are seemingly doing to us. Instead we begin to see others as our teachers. They are in our lives for a reason. They are showing us things we need to look at within ourselves. Perhaps even things we need to change about ourselves. 

Taking responsibility for your life is empowering. Only you have the answers within yourself for your life. We have all been given the wisdom and understanding for our lives. We simply need to sit quietly and listen to that still small voice within. Listen for direction. Listen for answers to your problems. Listen for discernment about your path. You may get a gut feeling, a deep sense, a vision, an intuitive thought. Write it down. Usually first impressions are very accurate and give you clear answers and direction. Follow your heart. Believe in yourself. Make plans. Design your life the way you want it.

Don’t let anyone else talk you into changing your plans, diverting your direction or following a different beat. Don’t allow others to take control of your life. It is when we relinquish responsibility to others that we then blame them for our unhappiness, hurt or despair. If you do not give up your life to anyone else, guess what? You must take full responsibility for the consequences of your actions. It’s exciting to be in control of your life. It allows you to create any life you want.

Perhaps you have heard of the Internet game called “Second Life?” In it players can create themselves however they wish. They make a whole life in the virtual world. Why not create the life you want in the real world? Let’s call it “Real Life.” Let’s pretend you can do anything you want in this real life. You can have the job you have always dreamed of. You can make your body the shape you desire and wear the clothes you love. You can have a relationship that is mutually fulfilling and if your current one doesn’t meet up to your standard, you can let it go and find a new one. In real life you call the shots. You stay out of other people’s business and take full control of your own. It can be fun. It can be scary. It can be hard. But know this: it is your life and you have to live it, so give it all your effort.

Don’t play the blame game anymore. Stop expecting others to make you happy. Stop demanding that others change in order for you to be happy. Instead, be true to your inner self. Create your own happiness!

If you are stuck in the blame game, try doing EFT on UTube.